COBRA!
by luigi23113
Summary: A short story not related to my other GI Joe series. A day in the life of Cobra Command!


COBRA!  
  
It was a normal day.   
Tomax and Xamot had sent in large amounts of funds, which Destro used to create his new line of Hiss Tanks.  
The Baroness was idolizing over Serpentor.  
Serpentor was mumbling about commands.  
Dr. Mindbender was...bending...minds...whatever he does. No one really knows, or cares.  
Copperhead was threatening the locals.  
Zarana was looking for Zartan.  
And he was feeling especially destructive.  
"What's on the agenda for today, Destro?"  
"I have a new plan to destroy GI Joe."  
"Eeeeexxxxcccceeeeelllllleeeeennnnntttttt....yeah."  
"..."  
"So, what is this plan of yours, Destro?"  
"You see, we use my ray gun here to temporarily rend the GI Joes inattentive. Then, when they aren't paying any attention, we set up camp around their base, and, when they start paying attention, we switch our position, and shoot them with a ray to make them super-strong. Then we retreat, and, when they get used to being strong, we use a ray to make them weak, and then we attack and destroy the GI Joes!"  
"...yeah. Right. I...agree wholeheartedly! And, as a tribute to your ultimate plan, I am placing you in charge."  
"Thank you, Commander."  
It's going to be a long day.  
  
"Alright, people, chop chop!"  
Cobra Commander claps his hands as Cobra soldiers run about, preparing the many rays for Destro's plan.  
"We're on a deadline, people! Hurry up! I really feel like this is the one!"  
The Baroness walks up behind Cobra Commander.  
"Commander, what position shall I be in?"  
"Ask Destro. He's in charge of this plan."  
"WHAT'S THIS ABOUT A PLAN?"  
The entire Cobra army stops still. They twirl around, and stare at the imposing figure striding towards them. All but the Baroness look disgusted. A serpentine figure walks towards them, with Cobra-like neck flaps. As he comes into view, orange-ish scales are apparent on his costume.  
"Oh, no..."  
Serpentor stands in front of the passageway leading to the hall, hands on his hips, a very imposing figure. The Baroness's eyes go wide, with a very anime-ish smile across her face. Everyone else hangs their head, either in shame or disgust.  
"Well?"  
"Well, what?" Answered Cobra Commander.  
"What's this about a plan?"  
"What plan?"  
"The plan you have spoken the commands to create!"  
"...What?"  
"Your plan."  
"I have no plan."  
"I do!" quipped Destro.  
"Shutup!"  
"Destro! I'm glad to see that someone is pulling their weight around here!"  
Everyone stares angrily at Serpentor, except for, of course, the Baroness.  
"Excuse me?"  
"COBRA COMMANDER! So glad you spoke up! I am placing you in charge of this mission!"  
"But-"  
"I will monitor you from afar!"  
"But-"  
Suddenly, an anime-ish backdrop of rotating white lights on red, with Serpentor in an imposing pose, with his arm outstreched, as a chibi Baroness(still smiling), Cobra Commander, and Destro(both with anime-ish sweatdrops) look on.  
"THIS I COMMAND!"  
Serpentor leaves the room. The Baroness looks crushed.  
"He didn't notice me..."  
"That's because he hates you."  
The Baroness glares at Cobra Commander as he and Destro, smiling, move away.  
"Alright, people, let's get a move on!"  
  
The Cobra soldiers move in on the GI Joe headquarters. Destro, Cobra Commander, and the Baroness get out of one tank and look around.  
"See down there?" Destro points to two guards playing Game Boy, "The guards aren't paying attention! Our ray worked!"  
The Baroness is looking at them through binoculars, "Hey, they're playing Pokemon!"  
"Let me see!" Cobra Commander grabs the binoculars from Baroness, "Using a level 15 Charmander against a level 30 Warturtle? Is he crazy?"  
"Alright! Let's move out!"  
Destro waves the Cobra forces towards the forest next to the GI Joe headquarters.  
  
Big Brawler hits a button on his Game Boy. Countdown hits his head with his hand.  
"No! That hurt me 45 HP!"  
"Hah, hah! You're down to your last 'Mon!"  
"Yeah! I'm...oh, no."  
"What is it?"  
"...Metapod."  
"Oh, you're screwed."  
"I forfeit."  
"Good choice."  
"Hey, what's that?"  
"What?"  
Countdown points to the Cobra forces going into the woods.  
"Hm. That's weird. We'd better tell Duke."  
  
In the control room, Duke is leaning against the control panel, talking to Scarlett.  
"So, what're you doing tonight?"  
Suddenly, Countdown comes on the monitor.  
"Duke!"  
"Huh? Oh, Countdown. What is it?"  
"Cobra has moved into the woods!"  
"What? Why wasn't I informed?"  
Duke looks around. Flint and Lady Jaye are talking, Falcon is standing in the corner looking cool, and Snake Eyes is trying to stay away from Shipwreck.  
"Oh. GI JOES!"  
The Joes snap to attention.  
"Cobra has moved into the forest outside our base! Get ready to move out!"  
"Yo Joe!"  
  
"The Joes should be snapping back to attention soon."  
Cobra Commander sighed. This was pointless.  
"Here they come!" Destro barks, "Fire the strength ray! Prepare to retreat!"  
The Joes advance on Cobra's position.  
"Fire!"  
The Cobra soldiers fire the strength ray. It hits the GI Joes, who look on, astonished, as their muscles expand. The ray stops, and the GI Joes stumble and fall under their new weight.  
"Quickly!" Destro orders, "Before they get used to it!"  
"DON'T....YOU...MOVE!"  
The Cobra soldiers look on, astonished. Suddenly, a towering figure, almost entirely made of muscles, slowly strides towards Cobra. As he comes into view, it is revealed that the figure is Sergeant Slaughter, his arms and legs three times the size of his head from the strength ray. He stops and lets out a Godzilla scream and tears into a Cobra Hiss tank. The tank explodes, sending Cobra soldiers flying. He screams again, continuing his rampage.  
"Great idea, Destro." Cobra Commander quipped.  
Destro just grunted in dissatisfaction.  
"Quickly! Reverse the ray! Before he kills us all!"  
The Cobra soldiers quickly start reversing the settings for the ray. Right before Sergeant Slaughter crushes the ray, the Cobra soldiers fire, returning everyone to their normal state. The Joes get up, and resume the attack with Slaughter, who proceeds to destroy the ray.  
"Cobra! Retreat!"  
Cobra Commander leads the retreat back to Cobra headquarters.  
  
"So, you have failed again!"  
Serpentor was, as usual, acting all high-and-mighty. He had all the Cobra soldiers lined up for his lecture on how pathetic they were.  
"This venture could have been our way to finally get rid of GI Joe, and you blew it! Why, I'm so mad I...leave me be!"  
Serpentor motions for the other Cobra members to leave. They do, with Cobra Commander and Destro leaving last.   
'That Serpentor was a bad venture."  
"I must agree."  
Destro sighs.  
"You shall never make another like him again. THIS I COMMAND!"  
Cobra Commander and Destro laugh as the screen fades to black.  
  
Two children, Billy and Jacob, are walking through the woods, and come upon a weird, abandoned building.  
"What's that weird, abandoned building doing here?" Billy asked.  
"I don't know, let's check it out!"  
The two children walk towards the building. Suddenly, hundreds of Cobra soldiers, led by General Blood, rush out of the building. Jacob is mauled down by laser blasts. Billy looks on horrified as General Blood gets out of his tank and stands next to him.  
"Stop right there!" He says, "It's never a good idea to go into an abandoned building! There may be something harmful in there that could hurt you, or maybe it's condemned! You should never go somewhere you don't know!"  
"Now I know!"  
General Blood and Billy stare at each other for a few seconds. General Blood blasts Billy's head off.  
The Cobra logo appears on screen, as the Cobra soldiers yell their battlecry. Underneath the logo, it says, "Endorsed by NATIONAL CHILD SAFETY COUNCIL"  
  
The End...? 


End file.
